reflection on 2002

My Thoughts

by Rob "Gutterbug" Evans

i am scum
i am a failure.
i am a liar.

i failed myself and those who matter.
to listen to their words, i appear much better
than i see myself.
perhaps one needs to blind themselves
to my blaring flaws to lend support.
but reality dictates i am accurate...

nonetheless, i have made progress?
yes, i elevated to failure status!
and the year yields more promises
...and hope is there again, knockin'

through the last 365, the best lessons:
fuck hopin'; fuck wishin'; fuck prayin'.
they are cute pastimes, but nothing more.
it is time for proactive movements;
the entrance of aggressive plays.

dreams must be entrapped, caught, captured
...and i have too many to forge into play
to spend hopin'-wishin'-prayin'.
fuck all that.

my tenets remain?that is set...
i have simply learned focus, determination.
the last year's passiveness cost me dearly.
no more.

i have blessings?love from those
who, by all rights, should have tossed me away.
it is because of their support and coaching
i have been allowed to pursue my fantasies.

i refuse to make their efforts fade without
giving my best, my all

i may be a liar, scum, and a failure?
but i am far from done.

let's go.

'reflection on 2002
rob.evans
1.2.03